something to 琢磨！ ：D

- I don't have to try that hard for
I am living by God' s Grace -

生词 ：) ODB oct 24, 2010.

争执 zhēngzhí : quarrel = 争吵
抱怨 [bàoyuàn : complain
依然 : still
和睦相处 : hémùxiàngchǔ live in harmony
合一 : unity
差派 : cha pài - sent
门徒 : méntú disciple
彼此 : bǐcǐ both sides.
服事 : serve
易于 : . be easy to , prone
油浇 : you jiao1 : oil poured
胡须 : beard, moustache
喜悦 : xǐyuè happy
膏膏 : annointed
香气 : a sweet smell; fragrance; aroma

It is well with My soul : )

Lagi suka banget dengerin lagu ini, : ).

U torrent g bekerja dengan baik, yeayyy!! thanks to my ex-roommate Alex!! :D.

1. When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
   When sorrows like sea billows roll;
   Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,
   It is well, it is well, with my soul.
   • Refrain:
     It is well, with my soul,
     It is well, it is well, with my soul.
2. Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
   Let this blest assurance control,
   That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
   And hath shed His own blood for my soul.
3. My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!
   My sin, not in part but the whole,
   Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
   Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!
4. For me, be it Christ, be it Christ hence to live:
   If Jordan above me shall roll,
   No pang shall be mine, for in death as in life
   Thou wilt whisper Thy peace to my soul.
5. But, Lord, ’tis for Thee, for Thy coming we wait,
   The sky, not the grave, is our goal;
   Oh, trump of the angel! Oh, voice of the Lord!
   Blessed hope, blessed rest of my soul!
6. And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,
   The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;
   The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,
   Even so, it is well with my soul.

Praise the Lord, I tell my self,
Praise The Lord,


withy

Blessing in disguise : )

Akhir2 ini saya lagi baca 1 buku , "Walking with God", ga seperti baca buku lain-lainnya, hampir setiap bab saya berhenti baca, and saya di push untuk "mengalami , merenungkan, n praktek".
Ada 1 bab yang bicara tentang, " how to listen".
Waktu saya baca bab ini, jadi sadar betapa kita itu jadi manusia " bawel, cerewet, and penuh permintaan ya" tapi sedikit banget waktu2 kita cuma duduk diem, siapin waktu untuk " mendengar". Saya jadi ga heran ada yang disebut skill to listen, karena ternyata listening - mendengar itu ga mudah.

Dari waktu saya bangun pagi, ngelakuin hal2 sepele, saya belajar untuk mendengar : ). Walau seringkali masih gagal, masih sistem "TERABAS" pake cara saya. Til one day, saya dapet pelajaran berharga. What's that - listen carefully -

Hari itu pulang dari rumah laoshi saya, dengan berbus ria, saya pulang ke dorm. Ngeliat kondisi bus sih, hum.. emang rada ga layak untuk dinaiki 10 penumpang lain ( saya n temen2) tapi apa boleh buat, kalo ga naek, bus berikutnya jg sama padatnya. Begitu naek, saya cuma inget, pegangan supaya ga jatoh. Serangan dari sana sini, badan nempel sama orang lain, udah jadi hal biasa. Tpi waktu naek saya kaya denger suara " With, mending naek taxi aja" humm... saya dasar lupa saya sedang belajar "to listen" saya pikir, ah naek taxi mahal, bus aja cuma 2 kuai : ). Di bus stop berikut again saya dnger suara " Withy, turun, naek taxi", honestly saya jg ga ngeh itu suara siapa, feeling doang ato gmn, saya msih bersikukuh, humm mahal ah naek taxi, ngebus aja. Tapi setiap lewat bus stop saya pengen banget loncat dan udah deh naek taxi aja, n saya tetep denger suara itu lebih dri 3 kali. Tapi tak kunjung saya turun, sampe saya berasa salah gara2 suaranya ga ilang2, n saya dah ga tahan ama banyaknya orang yang nginjek kaki saya saking penuhnya. : )

Turun lah saya sendiri, 9 temen saya masih berkutat di bus. Waktu berusaha mengenal tempat saya turun, ehh ternyata udah deket ke dorm saya. N ada McD, tergoda u/ beli kentang, saya buka tas mau cek di dompet ada uang berapa, n TARAAAAAAAA...... 我的钱包丢了， 被小偷偷走了。yep! its gone!! dompet saya DICURI. : ). Resleting tas saya dirusak dan sobek deh....

hem........... bingung, saya telpon deh si lisa.... nasehatnya cm 1 tpi dalem, laenkali didengerin yaa suaranya. : ). Telpon nyokap, krena msti blokir kartu paspor BCA yg bisa diambil kpan aja dri ATM di China, humm sama pesennya : laenkali tuuu denger-dengeran ya : ).

Malem itu saya duduk di tempat tidur, merenung,.... humm silly ya, saya sepanjang hari berdoa, help me to listen to You, and give me a heart to listen. Begitu lalui hari2 saya malah "nantangin" suara nya bahkan gatau ini suara siapa ya, feeling atooooo apa ya.

Kalo di karakter cHinese : listen itu = 听 ( simplified ) 聽 ( traditional )

karakter yg tradisional ini terdiri dari radikal Er duo 耳 ( telinga) , sepuluh 十 (shi) mata 目 ( mu) n 1 hati 一心
kalo diartiin, arti kata mendengar itu : harus pake 2 telinga, sepuluh mata ( yg berarti segenap perhatian) and
1 hati.

Interesting huh?
Saya tau hari itu saya gagal mendengar dengan baik, tapi doa saya, ini jadi pelajaran "mendengar" bt saya.
as the Word writes in John 10

"... and the sheep hear his voice and come to him. He calls his own sheep by NAME and leads them out.
...and they FOLLOW him because they ( the sheep) recognize his voice"


yea...... help me to listen carefully and to recognize Your voice : ),

with.

I know You love me : )

Oh Lord You've searched me
You know my way
Even when I fail You
I know You love me

Your holy presence
Surrounding me
In every season
I know You love me
I know You love me

At the cross I bow my knee
Where Your blood was shed for me
There's no greater love than this
You have overcome the grave
Your glory fills the highest place

What can separate me now

You go before me
You shield my way
Your hand upholds me
I know You love me

You tore the veil
You made a way
When You said that it is done

And when the earth fades
Falls from my eyes
And You stand before me

I know You love me
I know You love me



- I know i am loved and ITs all FINISHED : )

Give me Jesus...
Give me Jesus..
You can have all this world
just gimme Jesus.

When I am alone,
give me Jesus..

dear Lord, thanks that You always up to restoring me.
Thanks for the Golden time to sit and to listen to Your Word.
Its just too much time I spent in defending all the walls that I build myself,
til I come down to the time where Your word, penetrate, n seek through this wounded heart.

Thanks Daddy,
thanks for John Eldredge and his honesty in revealing the truth.
Thanks for the " Walking with God"
Am blessed, and overwhelmed.

Times and times all I need is to obey rather than just stay in this "confusion"
Thanks when I don't know what to do, this book came up to mind..
Along the reading I know how You really work in this wounded heart.
I fail to trust times and times, yet Your amazing Grace once again has opened this eyes.
Father, let it be said to me, " was blind but now I see"

I pray for the restoration in the foundation of my life : )
I ask for the Grace to see this life in a different way..
You know me too well, You know how I always approach this life as a hard life and full of struggles. I'd rather think of FIGHT till you drop, than love this life, as God's gift.
I always wake up with another Question : Now what ?? other hard learning? words of " Hidup ini keras, bung! " unconsciously been deeply rooted in my mind. ok, lemme think the very 1st word would come out when it goes to life ? "Perjuangan" .
Hum...... I thought i was ok, totally okay.

til yesterday when i read through this part, "Accident, God?" chapter.
No, its not okay.
I need to be restored.
what John Eldredge wrote in his book is totally reflect how i approach this life, and why i need to be restored.

"My whole approach to life has been built on be tough, need nothing, push through. I have a really hard time being LOVED. It's hard to accept a fundamental reorientation of one's approach to life. The old ways are so deeply woven into our personalities, so grounded in our core assumptions, so rooted in our wounds and in what has worked for us over the years . And there is nothing like a crisis to expose all of it. ...

Now I'm back into the corner. This disruption is going to be far more than physical, Whatever else may come out of this, I want TO BE TRANSFORMED. Love is pretty central to life, after all. I don't think it's a good idea to miss out on love.

My approach to life is fundamentally based upon attack. Thats how I live. I attack life, I get up int the morning and attack the day.

But this is not the life i want to live, and also I pray : I come back to Your love. You said, My Love, I want a life that is based on Your love. ROOTED and GROUNDED in Your love.

I prayed, God, I give You permission to rebuild my personality based upon Your love "

- I FEEL exactly the same way he felt, I often fail to name it, he helped me to name it and write that down, now the decision is in my hand, and the choice has been made,

I stepped over the line

I know my God is Reliable,

I pray the same prayer, God, I give You permission to rebuild my personality based upon Your love.




- Be it unto me according to Your word-
withy.

Where to put another penny ?

How discouraged ....

I put one kuai in a small cup...
I see from a far, there's a couple who's asking for a kind heart to put coins in their small cup...
I make up my mind, tho i don't have much, I put a coin n walk happily...
I saw how painful it is, the man was blind, yet he is still trying to at least, blow that music instrument..
And his wife has a hunchback and can't hardly walk, yet they do....
They're holding hands and say thanks with smile ....


I walked away...
Ready to have my dinner..
As I pray, I thank God for a bowl of rice, with meat n egg.
I ask for the joy in sharing n giving to others
And a heart to always count blessings.

I enjoy my meal...

But...

when i just walked out from the resto,
I saw this couple,
They're smiling and giggling.

To my surprise....
The man still with his sunglasses, but he really walk way too fast for a blind man.
And he doesn't need to look at his wife if he's blind.
They giggle,
I'm trying to get closer, now they passed me by,
walking sooooo fast, and the hunchback was gone.
She walked straight and full of energy..
now they holding hands, but its not the way you'd hold a blind man.
They are as healthy as i am.


TWO sides,
I thank God, that they're not as suffer as I thought before : )
but its really discouraging.
to see what I just see,
I stop for a while..

n ask, What now?

And I have 2 choices :
being hatred, or 70 times 7.
being upset, and it will take away all the joy i have,
or stop complaining and forget it....

i make a decision on my way home.
to write this down
and never let the 'thief ' take away my joy. : ).

and hummmmmm ask for a discernment..
when n where should i put another penny.