Blessing in disguise : )

Akhir2 ini saya lagi baca 1 buku , "Walking with God", ga seperti baca buku lain-lainnya, hampir setiap bab saya berhenti baca, and saya di push untuk "mengalami , merenungkan, n praktek".
Ada 1 bab yang bicara tentang, " how to listen".
Waktu saya baca bab ini, jadi sadar betapa kita itu jadi manusia " bawel, cerewet, and penuh permintaan ya" tapi sedikit banget waktu2 kita cuma duduk diem, siapin waktu untuk " mendengar". Saya jadi ga heran ada yang disebut skill to listen, karena ternyata listening - mendengar itu ga mudah.

Dari waktu saya bangun pagi, ngelakuin hal2 sepele, saya belajar untuk mendengar : ). Walau seringkali masih gagal, masih sistem "TERABAS" pake cara saya. Til one day, saya dapet pelajaran berharga. What's that - listen carefully -

Hari itu pulang dari rumah laoshi saya, dengan berbus ria, saya pulang ke dorm. Ngeliat kondisi bus sih, hum.. emang rada ga layak untuk dinaiki 10 penumpang lain ( saya n temen2) tapi apa boleh buat, kalo ga naek, bus berikutnya jg sama padatnya. Begitu naek, saya cuma inget, pegangan supaya ga jatoh. Serangan dari sana sini, badan nempel sama orang lain, udah jadi hal biasa. Tpi waktu naek saya kaya denger suara " With, mending naek taxi aja" humm... saya dasar lupa saya sedang belajar "to listen" saya pikir, ah naek taxi mahal, bus aja cuma 2 kuai : ). Di bus stop berikut again saya dnger suara " Withy, turun, naek taxi", honestly saya jg ga ngeh itu suara siapa, feeling doang ato gmn, saya msih bersikukuh, humm mahal ah naek taxi, ngebus aja. Tapi setiap lewat bus stop saya pengen banget loncat dan udah deh naek taxi aja, n saya tetep denger suara itu lebih dri 3 kali. Tapi tak kunjung saya turun, sampe saya berasa salah gara2 suaranya ga ilang2, n saya dah ga tahan ama banyaknya orang yang nginjek kaki saya saking penuhnya. : )

Turun lah saya sendiri, 9 temen saya masih berkutat di bus. Waktu berusaha mengenal tempat saya turun, ehh ternyata udah deket ke dorm saya. N ada McD, tergoda u/ beli kentang, saya buka tas mau cek di dompet ada uang berapa, n TARAAAAAAAA...... 我的钱包丢了， 被小偷偷走了。yep! its gone!! dompet saya DICURI. : ). Resleting tas saya dirusak dan sobek deh....

hem........... bingung, saya telpon deh si lisa.... nasehatnya cm 1 tpi dalem, laenkali didengerin yaa suaranya. : ). Telpon nyokap, krena msti blokir kartu paspor BCA yg bisa diambil kpan aja dri ATM di China, humm sama pesennya : laenkali tuuu denger-dengeran ya : ).

Malem itu saya duduk di tempat tidur, merenung,.... humm silly ya, saya sepanjang hari berdoa, help me to listen to You, and give me a heart to listen. Begitu lalui hari2 saya malah "nantangin" suara nya bahkan gatau ini suara siapa ya, feeling atooooo apa ya.

Kalo di karakter cHinese : listen itu = 听 ( simplified ) 聽 ( traditional )

karakter yg tradisional ini terdiri dari radikal Er duo 耳 ( telinga) , sepuluh 十 (shi) mata 目 ( mu) n 1 hati 一心
kalo diartiin, arti kata mendengar itu : harus pake 2 telinga, sepuluh mata ( yg berarti segenap perhatian) and
1 hati.

Interesting huh?
Saya tau hari itu saya gagal mendengar dengan baik, tapi doa saya, ini jadi pelajaran "mendengar" bt saya.
as the Word writes in John 10

"... and the sheep hear his voice and come to him. He calls his own sheep by NAME and leads them out.
...and they FOLLOW him because they ( the sheep) recognize his voice"


yea...... help me to listen carefully and to recognize Your voice : ),

with.

I know You love me : )

Oh Lord You've searched me
You know my way
Even when I fail You
I know You love me

Your holy presence
Surrounding me
In every season
I know You love me
I know You love me

At the cross I bow my knee
Where Your blood was shed for me
There's no greater love than this
You have overcome the grave
Your glory fills the highest place

What can separate me now

You go before me
You shield my way
Your hand upholds me
I know You love me

You tore the veil
You made a way
When You said that it is done

And when the earth fades
Falls from my eyes
And You stand before me

I know You love me
I know You love me



- I know i am loved and ITs all FINISHED : )

Give me Jesus...
Give me Jesus..
You can have all this world
just gimme Jesus.

When I am alone,
give me Jesus..

dear Lord, thanks that You always up to restoring me.
Thanks for the Golden time to sit and to listen to Your Word.
Its just too much time I spent in defending all the walls that I build myself,
til I come down to the time where Your word, penetrate, n seek through this wounded heart.

Thanks Daddy,
thanks for John Eldredge and his honesty in revealing the truth.
Thanks for the " Walking with God"
Am blessed, and overwhelmed.

Times and times all I need is to obey rather than just stay in this "confusion"
Thanks when I don't know what to do, this book came up to mind..
Along the reading I know how You really work in this wounded heart.
I fail to trust times and times, yet Your amazing Grace once again has opened this eyes.
Father, let it be said to me, " was blind but now I see"

I pray for the restoration in the foundation of my life : )
I ask for the Grace to see this life in a different way..
You know me too well, You know how I always approach this life as a hard life and full of struggles. I'd rather think of FIGHT till you drop, than love this life, as God's gift.
I always wake up with another Question : Now what ?? other hard learning? words of " Hidup ini keras, bung! " unconsciously been deeply rooted in my mind. ok, lemme think the very 1st word would come out when it goes to life ? "Perjuangan" .
Hum...... I thought i was ok, totally okay.

til yesterday when i read through this part, "Accident, God?" chapter.
No, its not okay.
I need to be restored.
what John Eldredge wrote in his book is totally reflect how i approach this life, and why i need to be restored.

"My whole approach to life has been built on be tough, need nothing, push through. I have a really hard time being LOVED. It's hard to accept a fundamental reorientation of one's approach to life. The old ways are so deeply woven into our personalities, so grounded in our core assumptions, so rooted in our wounds and in what has worked for us over the years . And there is nothing like a crisis to expose all of it. ...

Now I'm back into the corner. This disruption is going to be far more than physical, Whatever else may come out of this, I want TO BE TRANSFORMED. Love is pretty central to life, after all. I don't think it's a good idea to miss out on love.

My approach to life is fundamentally based upon attack. Thats how I live. I attack life, I get up int the morning and attack the day.

But this is not the life i want to live, and also I pray : I come back to Your love. You said, My Love, I want a life that is based on Your love. ROOTED and GROUNDED in Your love.

I prayed, God, I give You permission to rebuild my personality based upon Your love "

- I FEEL exactly the same way he felt, I often fail to name it, he helped me to name it and write that down, now the decision is in my hand, and the choice has been made,

I stepped over the line

I know my God is Reliable,

I pray the same prayer, God, I give You permission to rebuild my personality based upon Your love.




- Be it unto me according to Your word-
withy.

Where to put another penny ?

How discouraged ....

I put one kuai in a small cup...
I see from a far, there's a couple who's asking for a kind heart to put coins in their small cup...
I make up my mind, tho i don't have much, I put a coin n walk happily...
I saw how painful it is, the man was blind, yet he is still trying to at least, blow that music instrument..
And his wife has a hunchback and can't hardly walk, yet they do....
They're holding hands and say thanks with smile ....


I walked away...
Ready to have my dinner..
As I pray, I thank God for a bowl of rice, with meat n egg.
I ask for the joy in sharing n giving to others
And a heart to always count blessings.

I enjoy my meal...

But...

when i just walked out from the resto,
I saw this couple,
They're smiling and giggling.

To my surprise....
The man still with his sunglasses, but he really walk way too fast for a blind man.
And he doesn't need to look at his wife if he's blind.
They giggle,
I'm trying to get closer, now they passed me by,
walking sooooo fast, and the hunchback was gone.
She walked straight and full of energy..
now they holding hands, but its not the way you'd hold a blind man.
They are as healthy as i am.


TWO sides,
I thank God, that they're not as suffer as I thought before : )
but its really discouraging.
to see what I just see,
I stop for a while..

n ask, What now?

And I have 2 choices :
being hatred, or 70 times 7.
being upset, and it will take away all the joy i have,
or stop complaining and forget it....

i make a decision on my way home.
to write this down
and never let the 'thief ' take away my joy. : ).

and hummmmmm ask for a discernment..
when n where should i put another penny.

-Hari guru-

Happy Teacher's Day : ), 教师节快乐！

Hari ini password kemana pun kita pergi di Changsha, 4 kata itu. lucu ya, semua orang ribetttt ngerayain ini dengan ngasih bunga, ngasih hadiah ke guru2 mereka.

Nah, hari ini ceritanya, saya msti ke rumah Advisor kita, bersama 10 murid lainnya kita pegi deh ke rumahnya, ya sama. Ngasih upeti : ). Ada beberapa kejadian aneh sebenernya yang saya pikir AGAIN saya ngalamin culture shock yang udah lamaa banget ga saya alamin n bkin sdikit lebih bahagia ( secara 2 bulan ini daerah skola, n dorm saya sepi, smua pada libur) :

1. Buanyaknya orang, maaaakk kemana2 kesenggol2 n smua mau apa2 ngantri, mending ngantri bener, ngantrinya ya siapa kuat dan cepat dan GALAK bakal dapet dluan. Dimana pun kapan pun, bahkan waktu mau beli naicha.

2. Kalo udah jam 5 sore,n sedang merayakan hari guru jangan ngarep bisa naek taxi. Bus akan jadi sarana transportasi terbaik namun tak bersahabat. Uda lama saya ga naek bus se- rame itu, mau naek aja lari2 masuknya nempel sama semua badan orang. fiuhh... ^ _^.

3. Kejadian lucu : saya bingung waktu mau masuk ke rumah Advisor saya, kog smua tiba2 diem and mulai kerasak keresek ngeluarin plastik warna biru. Dan semua sibuk ngebungkus kaki yang masih bersepatu dengan plastik itu. Sebenernya ini niat banget n i guess this is a very thoughtful deed ya, jadi ga ribet lepas2 sepatu, tpi goal utama nya itu yang bkin saya geuli sendiri. "Biar rumah si laoshi ga kotor karena spatu kita, terus biar dia gausah sibuk ngambilin slippers buat 11 orang" hummm.. nah alasan ini ampir bkin saya ngakak. Di pikiran saya, yaaa namanya juga namu, kalo ngotor2in lantainya dikit gapapa kali ya, resiko nge-host. Kita jg kan bakal buka sepatu deket pintu, bukan yang kesana kemari pake sepatu. Trus saya ga berenti natap 1 anak, yang kayanya tuh renzhen banget ga membiarkan sedikit pun plastik itu ga nutupin sepatu dia, tapiiiiiiiiii ada beberapa plastik yang dia ga pake, dibuang gitu aja di depan apartemen si laoshi. jadi deh berantakan, n dia tak merasa apa2. : ). ironi : )

4. Begitu sampe di rumahnya, kami smuaaaa kaya dengerin petuah for almost 2 hours. Sayaaaa humm baru beneran berasa skolah lagi, secara dlu skola di dkv jg gada yang diem adem ayem dengeriiiinnnn aja tanpa tanya mana contohnya dll. :).

5. N yang terakhir ini yang paling bkin saya kaget......
ceritanya demi upeti itu kita urunan uang..... ada 11 orang, sebenernya begtu orang2 sibuk bawa2 saya rada pengen ketawa ya, kenapa si laoshi hari gene dbeliin nya susu, yoghurt, liang teh yang itu loh di indo jg banyak, lupa lagi merk apa, wang luo something. trus ada teh dll. sisanya saya gatau pada beli apa. Ya secara saya ga ikut belanja,tpi smua berupa bahan makanan, ya saya iya2 aja waktu disuru urunan. N saya KAGET banget waktu dibilangin 1 orang suru bayar 70 kuai, n 11 orang it means 770 kuai = Rp. 1 jt an. Saya kaget tapi jaim, tetep ngasih dengan tenang. tpi ga berenti mkir, apa2an yaaaa, 770 kuai, trus belinya sembako, itu yang bkin saya aneh sih. Kalo beliin barang berharga kaya misal, tas, bolpen, jam tangan, apa keg ya yang emang nominalnya worth it 770 kuai, ya saya gakan bertanya2.
Dan saya langsung nyadar.. oh iya ini China, they have their own culture.
Tapi di sepanjang jalan saya mikir, kenapa anak2 jaman gni masih adza ngasih bahan2 kaya susu dll ya, ehm i guess mereka pnya alasan. tiba2 muncul deh cerita si laskar pelangi di kepala, inget si ibu guru yang dibayarin pake beras n sembako.. Mungkin ini dlu tradition mereka, dlu kan china miskin tuh, smentara smua orang tetep harus dapet pendidikan, jadi mungkin mereka dibayar n dihargai dengan sembako. itu siihh kesimpulan saya.... Jadii besok saya mau tanya sama mereka orang2 china, mengapa begini mengapa begitu hehheh ..

Yaudah segitu dlu aja keanehan2 nya saya ceritain...

Besok2 pasti jadi banyak ehhehh : ).

The Book of ELI

I know how " basi" it is to talk about book of ELI, yet i just want to write 3 powerful words I learnt.

I FOUGHT a GOOD fight.....



I Finish the RACE.....



I keep THE FAITH......


These 3 powerful words mengakhiri jidat saya yang mengeryit tanda tak mengerti, ini film ceritat ttg apa sih. Masih ga jelas sampe akhirnya. hehhehe, banyak pertanyaan tuing2 di kepala. Tpi sukses membuat saya mikir.
Will God find me one day, and will I boldly say : I fought a GOOD fight, I finish the Race, I keep the FAITH.

Saya tau harga yang harus dibayar mahal, perjuangannya berat, tapi..... I ask for the Grace that I'll keep the FAITH.

N hah.... tiba2 saya berpikir, hidup ini hidup karena 1 tujuan, hidup karena ada goal, hidup karena VISI, hidup karena kita punya 1 misi. Terlalu sayang untuk disia-siakan begitu saja. Selain kamu dan saya, di dunia ini masih banyak permasalahan complex lainnya, masih banyak yang harus dipikirin, dikerjain , diolah, and for you to live this life cuma buat "seseorang" yang kita pikir "PENTING, Segalanya, dan Berharga" coba masuk kamar, balik lagi mkir, sebenernya hidup ini punya siapa, dari siapa, and buat apa . Hidup ini terlalu berharga! kog saya jadi marah2 hehhehee...
bukaaan maksud saya.....

Let's ask the Guide, let's see the True Mission He wants us to accomplished, n let's keep the Faith .


: )
withy